Affairs, His: The very first thing that I thought when our sex life took a nose dive, "If he's not getting it here, he's getting it somewhere else..." After months of feeling incredibly insecure about this I have realized that he is just not getting it anywhere, and he doesn't care. His libido is so low that he thinks about taking out the trash more than sex.
Being Gay, His: Second thing that crossed my mind...I wonder if he is in the closet? I asked him. He looked at me like I had lost my mind...which I had by the way, because ED will MAKE YOU loose your mind. However, after he bitched to 5 days about the prostate exam at the urologist, I concluded that he is not gay.
Affairs, Mine: I have threatened him more than once with, "If you don't want to make love to me, I CAN find someone who will," and then in my less insane moments, I have tried to explain to him that I find myself looking longingly a the UPS man, or the guy behind the counter at the 7 - 11. Not for a relationship, but just to have the living hell screwed out of me. That simple. I have thought about it over and over...and I have had the opportunity...but I can't. I love him.
Being Gay, Me: It has even gotten to the point where I considered having an affair with another woman, rationalizing to myself, that would not be so detrimental on my marriage if I got caught or even is I didn't. I couldn't do that either, but at least you understand the depths that my thought processes reached.
Roll Reversal: I think that it was Dusty (excuse me if I am wrong)that said that she had asked her DH what he would do if the situation was reversed and HE had to go without sex, or beg, plead, bitch and moan to get it. I have asked my DH the same things many time and got the exact same response..."I dunno."
Masturbation, His: He doesn't. Period.
Masturbation, Mine: I should own STOCK in Adam and Eve. I have tried to explain to him so many times that I don't just want to have an orgasm. I don't have to tell you ladies what I want because you know already. But for any lurking males...I (we) want to be wanted, to be desired, to be made love to, to have the intimacy that is shared ONLY when two bodies become one, to feel passion, to be able to look in our partners eyes and just see that overwhelming and uncontrollable desire. I want it even if you need eriacta for this action. Just to be able to see that smoldering look would make it all worthwhile for me. I miss that so much. I miss being able to look into his eyes and KNOW wants me. Because, no matter how much he TELLS me he wants or desires me...ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. He can tell me that he wants or desires me. He can tell me that he thinks I am sexy or attractive just the way that I am....but telling me these things means NOTHING when his body does not SHOW it.
Self Esteem, Mine: Not having the above happen on a regular and excruciatingly painful basis doesn't just chip away at my self esteem, it CRUSHES it. While trying to discuss ED and related medicines like eriacta 100 with my husband, the other day he asked me, "Why do you find it so hard to believe that I find you attractive?" My reply was that it had nothing to do with whether or not he found me attractive. He has told me time and again that he does. So therefore, by process of elimination, if it not MY problem. It has to be HIS problem. He hated that to straight forward. ( BTW, I believe that this is OUR problem, but I was trying to pull him out of his denial process, "Problem? We don't got no sticking problem!")
Self Esteem, His: Even though we are able to communicate about this, it takes a lot of eggshell walking. In my mind I try and remember that even though I am angry and hurt by all of this, I don't need to be purposefully mean to him about it. I know that he is not being purposefully mean to me, although, granted that is sometimes hard to remember. I know that he feels frustrated when is not taken eriacta 100mg. Sometimes he is helpless and that I am accusing him of being lousy in bed. He hates it when I bring it up. I know it makes him feel bad, but if I dot 'bring it up' then he will just sit there in his CGI world and BELIEVE that everything is fine. I am learning to bring it up without making him feel like shit...and he is learning (after some supplements suggestions of Dr Alec) that MAYBE, just MAYBE there is a physical problem here after all! Hence, he is a little bit more willing to talk about it. Just a little.
The more that I read here and the more intelligent, caring, beautiful, supportive women that I meet here, the less I feel like I am alone. Some kind of oversexed freak of nature that is the only one in the world who is not happy with her sex life. Just know that I am not alone has helped so much, but knowing that we have experienced almost the same exact things is amazing. I am so grateful that this blog exists.